Tuesday, March 18, 2025 – Day 217

Tuesday, March 18, 2025

Good morning, all!

Another Tuesday, another tax day. It’s getting to the end. I wonder what surprises and emotions will surface today. Most days, I feel like I’ve got a fairly good handle on my emotions, and then—WHAM—something or someone reaches deep into my heart and soul and triggers the tears. I never know when it’s coming, but I’m grateful that I can mostly talk about my ALS these days without a total breakdown. When the emotions are triggered, it completely shuts down my ability to communicate, which is tough enough for me on a normal day. So forgive please, wait a moment and hopefully I’ll get my act together.

Now, onto the new bathroom . It’s mostly complete—at least the toilet is in and fully functional. The sink still needs a P-trap, and the shower needs a curtain, but really, who needs a sink when you have a bidet toilet that looks like it was designed by NASA? Seriously, the thing has more buttons than my TV remote.

The bidet was installed last Thursday, but I avoided it until Sunday. This is new territory for me, and for reasons I can’t fully explain, I felt a little anxious about using it. I can’t be the only one who feels this way. I’ve read that 70% of Americans have never used a bidet.

From everything I’ve read about ALS, the bidet is supposed to be a game-changer—one of those “why didn’t I get this sooner?” kind of things. I know the time is coming when I won’t be able to properly finish things on my own, and let’s be honest, I’m not about to invite someone into my personal morning space for that job. One of the bigger issues I’m already dealing with is “trigger lock” in my hands—where my fingers seize up and refuse to cooperate. When this happens mid-wipe with a wad of TP, well… let’s just say that’s a problem I won’t go into further detail on.

Enter the bidet, my high-tech salvation. I was reading a bidet story on one of the ALS websites and I thought the following quote was worth sharing:

“As I like to say to my Wednesday boy group what would you clean mud off your driveway with, paper towels or a pressure washer?”

The quote makes perfect sense, so I finally decide to give it a go. I sit down, and immediately, water starts running into the bowl, as if it’s preparing for… something. I’m not sure what it’s expecting in those first five seconds, but I sure wasn’t ready. The seat itself? Not great. It’s a weird design, much different from a regular toilet seat, and definitely not what I’d call comfortable. So now, I’m already skeptical.

And then I’m sitting there… nothing. Five minutes pass. Ten minutes. Twenty. Thirty. Still nothing. Houston…we have a problem. Now with the first part of the mission scrubbed, I figure I might as well try the washing part of this high-tech throne. Now, this thing has more buttons than a spaceship control panel, and as many of you know, patience is not my strong suit. So I just start pressing things. There are delays, which makes it even more confusing—one second, nothing is happening, and the next, it’s full launch sequence: front spray, back spray, and—wait—floor spray?! I thought the water was supposed to stay in the bowl! “Houston, we have a problem.”

I spend the next five minutes pressing buttons and letting this thing do its thing. Then I hit the dry button. Another five minutes pass. I start wondering—how long is this supposed to take? By now, Cindy must be getting worried. I think I’ve been up there for 45 minutes.

When I finally emerge, she asks, “How was it?” “Complete failure. I feel like I was assaulted.” She laughs—at my expense, of course. But just wait until she gives it a try. Then we’ll see who’s laughing.

My morning routine is already slow and arduous. When it is all said and done, I usually have to take a break and employ my energy conservation before moving on. Now I have to account for this whole new experience. I can spare 15–20 minutes on the John, but not 45.

I haven’t even tried this no barrier shower…I wonder what quirks I’ll find with that experience.

I have to leave in two hours, so it’s probably best to get things started now. I don’t want to be late for my first tax client. Wish me luck.

Have a great Tuesday.

Love you guys! ❤️